Why I’m Living Gently
With nearly 100 countries under my belt, I’ve learned that one of the greatest gifts of global travel is an appreciation for the relationships in my life. While I’m abroad, I look forward reuniting with my friends and family, and when I’m back home I revel in the simple pleasures of picking up the phone for a heart-felt conversation, sharing a cup of tea, or taking a walk on the beach with close friends.
This fresh appreciation has encouraged me treat those that I hold dear as precious. To give them the love and respect that they deserve as a center point in my life. And because they are so precious, I’ve decided to treat them gently, with care.
And so I’ve decided to embrace gentleness as a form of expression – beginning with myself, spreading to my friends, and extending to the wider world around me. Here’s a look at how I’m living more gently these days.
After one of my book signing last month, a young man named Joshua from the audience wrote to me to say how my presentation had inspired him, his girlfriend Lauren and son Shelton to incorporate more volunteering into their travels. Next to his name, he wrote “Be good to yourself.” It was such a simple sign-off, but one that resonated. I think this bit of good tidings gave me pause because rarely am I good to myself.
In fact, I’m fairly harsh with myself. I’m always slightly distressed that I’m not doing more, giving more, working harder. Oddly, until Joshua suggested that I be good to myself, I never really comprehended how hard I was on little ‘ole me.
So in the last several weeks I’ve tried to ease up a bit and treat myself more gently. I’m trying to take care of myself – to give myself the time and space to nurture my core being. I’ve channeled this desire to be gentle into practicing yoga and mindfulness, being present and embracing daily moments of joy and wonder.
I’ve just started and yet these tender activities are now a priority in my day. I look forward to taking my yoga mat out on to the lanai as the sun lowers in the sky and I stretch and strengthen my muscles. I focus of balance and breathing. I don’t think of much except to be aware and grateful. I breathe in positivity and breathe out negativity as I relax my mind and body. I’ve already come to cherish this time I’m dedicating to protecting and preserving my mind and body.
As I nurture gentleness internally, I’m also striving to be more gentle towards my friends and family. The first step I’ve taken is to soften the language that I use around them. To be more aware of how words can hurt and heal; how a simple phase can cause tremendous harm or give enormous pleasure.
In particular I’ve decided to stop cursing. Like many people, I’ve been known to rifle-off a string of expletives that would make any sailor blush. And for the slightest infraction too—like a wayward turn signal, a longish line at the super market, a telemarketer disturbing my concentration.
It’s not just the cursing itself that is so bad, but the brutishness of the words. Not until I read an article on how much foul language mirrors rape language did I fully comprehend what I was saying. It was vulgar and violent. Until now, I wasn’t aware that the uttering of a few words could inflict so much pain. So in an effort to be more gentle toward those around me I am making a concerted effort to not use profane language.
Now, don’t get me wrong, I still feel annoyed, I’m just holding back from letting fly the most offensive words. And you know what? I feel better. I didn’t realize how uttering those violent words was coloring my overall outlook, creating an atmosphere of rage and anger.
By changing my language, I’m softening my interactions and thoughts towards those around me. I find my tolerance is increasing and I’m feeling less hostile. Increasingly I’m feeling more friendly and at peace with my surroundings. All good things.
And so my circle of gentleness is continually widening to enfold all living things, especially animal and plant life. My decision to become a vegetarian and stop buying leather last year was the start of this transformation.
The first year of being a vegetarian, I endured. Viewing my new eating habits as a hardship as I focused on all the things that I couldn’t have. But now I’m beginning to see my love for animals as a privilege that I get to exercise every day. I believe that being a vegetarian is helping me to be both more humane and humble as I fully comprehend that one species is as valuable as another.
Last weekend I watched the award-wining film Winged Migration. My mother kept telling me it was one of her favorite films and as we watched it together she marveled aloud at the strength of the birds to endure the thousands of miles of migration each year. Honestly, I had never before thought of the fortitude of our feathered friends. To me, birds were birds, and while I no longer choose to eat them, I still hadn’t move to the stage where I respected them.
But riding my bike a few days after watching the film, I stopped to watch a duck that had just landed on a pond. I took a few minutes to admire its colorful markings, the strength of its breast muscles and impressive wing span. I carved a few minutes out of my life to fully appreciate this marvelous (formerly considered mundane) creature that I had been taking for granted.
I’m now moving in to a space where I’m celebrating all animals, marveling at their unique qualities. I can’t tell you how much joy it has given me to view wildlife through these rose-colored glasses. The window is now wide open for me to appreciate and honor the humanity that abounds.
Even in such a short time, this new-found compassion toward myself, other people, and animals is having a profound effect on my outlook. I’m more positive and patient. I’m learning to embrace a peacefulness that I didn’t even know was missing in my life.
As I continue to develop this taste for kindness, I’m better understanding my spot in the wider world and savoring this fresh look at my surroundings. And as I live more gently, I find the universe is treating me more gently too. And I deserve it.
This entry was posted on Wednesday, March 26th, 2014 and is filed under Erin Now.