Sexual Assault: “What are your intentions — Rape? – Giving U™
February 24, 2010 — NYC
Last week I was in NYC and hanging out with friends at a midtown bar. It was a swanky place, think big name steak joint, off of 6th Ave. The 4 of us were drinking martinis and catching up, when we noticed a young woman getting fairly fresh with a guy a few barstools away.
Initially, we just made a few wisecracks and blew it off. Then it became increasingly apparent that the young woman had had too much to drink and was not in control of the situation. We decided to step in.
We called her over to join our group and engaged her in conversation, while trying to sober her up with water – but to no avail. She was hammered and was going to have to be sent home.
After a little more chatting (mostly about going on a trip with her to the Turks & Caicos), and – oddly – a bit of hand holding and praying, we finally got her into her coat.
I made my way to the now pouting guy to let him know that we were going to see that Roxanne got home safely. The unspoken message was that he was not going to be taking her home. Unfortunately, he wasn’t going to give up so easily.
As Edie and I walked her up the steps and out the door, he followed us and tried to woo her away. While I was in the street hailing a cab, Edie was holding down the fort (and holding up Roxanne).
Edie went on the attack. First she accused the bloke of being married (which was a fib, but caused the intended outrage in our drunken friend). Edie then asked him about his intentions: “Are they honorable or is this rape?” As he sputtered out his denials, he finally took a long drag of his cigarette, disgustedly tossed it aside, and stormed off.
We were finally able to maneuver Roxanne into the back seat of a private car service, having a little chat with the driver about taking her straight home and not picking up any strangers along the way. I yelled out for him to lock the doors as he pulled away.
We walked back into the bar and received new nicknames — Edie was the “Pitbull” because she took care of the guy, I was the “Caretaker” because I took care of the woman – along with High Fives and free food from the bar staff. (Note: lobster mac and cheese, tres delish).
We ordered another round and were feeling pretty good about having helped avert a dangerous situation for our young friend. Yet despite the frivolity, my mood was sober.
Unfortunately, this wasn’t the first time I’ve stepped in to try and stop an assault. And the truth is that we could have been in any bar, in any city, witnessing a similar situation.
Yeah, our young friend Roxanne didn’t know when to say “when.” But:
- • Why are women not safe to go out by themselves?
- • Why are there always predators waiting for a girl to let down her guard?
- • Why did no one else (like his friends, who had taken advantage of her earlier, or bar management) step in?
The whole episode sort of sickened me. And so I’m going to make myself feel (a little) better by making a donation in Roxanne’s name to the NYC Alliance Against Sexual Assault.
NYC Alliance Against Sexual Assault works to build the capacity of communities, organizations, and institutions to advance the right to live free from sexual violence and reduce the harm it causes individuals, families, and society.
If you’ve ever been in a similar situation, witnessed a similar situation or (God forbid) participated in a similar situation, think about making a donation in Roxanne’s name too. We can help end assault!
Let’s not passively stand by. Donate Now!
The images in this post were taken during a healing at the 2006 & 2008 Say So (Sexual Assault Yearly Speak Out) events held in NYC.
This entry was posted on Saturday, March 6th, 2010 and is filed under Hot Orgs.